Is anyone awake?

2 Jul

Night can be a lonely time for a recovering addict.
alcohol. sex. beauty. money. uppers. downers. mood stabilizers.
Whatever your drug of choice.
Abstinence is a lonely place.

Thank God for the Internet.
A lonely night’s dream.

Thoughts of my past conceal the present.

Like a flood in my mind I recall all the loves lost. I push out the memory of my one lost love.
Lingering now, the one(s) who keep me awake. The one I can’t seem to shake.
I lie in bed and remember what it felt like to be in your arms.
Me crawling out of bed in the early morning, before the sun; you wrapping your arms around my waist, pulling me back into your bed. Into your arms. not letting me go.
Play, rewind.
You knew so little. I wouldn’t let you get close. but your touch knew me better than I knew myself.
You anticipated my breath before I took it.
My kiss was yours before you stole it.
All consuming.
Was it love?
Why can’t I push you out?
I guess there hasn’t been anything stronger.
You moved on. I moved away.
Maybe rest would come tonight If i could just know this;
Was what we had real?

Maybe I obsess because I’ve taken away all my other obsessions. Maybe I’m just addicted to your memory.

Praying sleep will find me. Or perhaps my thoughts will stumble into a slumber.